Some visits are weird, but even weirder was this apartment we visited today. Inside, neatly organized, in every corner and on every surface: action and scifi memorabilia. They had a collection of model cars from all different movies; posters, planes, and a Christmas tree decorated solely with detailed Star Trek ornaments. Most impressive was what looked like the control desk from the Matrix in the corner of the living room. Stacked to the ceiling with the cutting edge technology of 1994, it looked like my elementary school tech room. He was very proud that he could "broadcast to the entire apartment complex." The older woman was nice, though she was wearing an extra small condom on her thumb; which I can only hope was a replacement for a bandaid. We went to the Scottsbluff Zoo as a district. Yes, Scottsbluff—a town of 15k—has a zoo. My favorite exhibit was the raccoon exhibit. It's literally this fat raccoon that does nothing but sit there and get fed. He’s like the king of raccoons. Scottsbluff has a lot of raccoons -- Nebraska in general does. So much so, the Alliance missionaries actually watched a guy, during a lesson, walk outside and chase three raccoons down and beat one to death with the butt of his shotgun. Not this zoo raccoon, though. This raccoon sits on his throne, man-spreading as he stares into the eyes of dozens of people as if to say, "you can’t touch me." Yesterday we had an amazing experience. I sat there pretty anxious, but I thought, sometimes, God just wants us to make a call. I looked at the map of names we were to visit and remembered how Moroni just had spare time -- so he thought he'd write the Book of Moroni. So, I selected an area to visit. We did, and the first house was someone whom we had not been able to contact for months. She was happy to see us. She gave us a referral for her sister who is struggling with her faith. The next house was an older lady. She has been struggling with her health and is alone a lot. She started crying as she talked to us. We told her we would visit more often and talk with her. It was good to do some simple uplifting. Recently, I've been working on stepping back and listening. I had this thought that I should start to prepare as if I was training. Let Elder Sedgwick take the lead, be an example, even if he is struggling, just give him the opportunity to struggle. It's been a fun game to play that I think he subconsciously appreciates. It was a good day. I'm making improvements. I'm cutting down on distractions, I'm getting back into working out, and I'm feeling happier. My mom sent me a message by the artist Christopher Niemann. He said that when he works on his sketches, he picks a random object and just stares at it. He said his work isn't based on sudden inspiration, he’s just willing to stare at that object longer than a sane person would, and it becomes something beautiful. Einstein said something similar when he said that he isn’t smarter than anyone else, but he is willing to sit with a problem longer than most. Speaking of sitting with a problem longer than most, I love the phrase I read today: "they took upon them the name of Christ, having a determination to serve him to the end." I called dad for a short time today. That was the game changer. I'm not sure why, but my mood just lifted tremendously. It made me so happy. He admitted how hard a mission was, expressed concern, and didn't give me any answers. It was a perfect example of what to do with someone I've been struggling to help. It was so comforting to talk to him. We talked about a Paul McCartney article he sent me and about stories. I just love him. My entire day changed after that call. A line stuck out to me in Adjusting to Missionary Life as I read it for the first time in awhile. It's one that has struck me before, but putting it into practice is oftentimes difficult. Under "ways to deal with loneliness," it says, "share." Uggggggggh. I don't trust my companions. Not because of who they are, just generally speaking it's difficult for me. However, as I've suspended disbelief, I've seen miracles—one of which was last night. I expressed my feelings to my companion and we had a long discussion back and forth about how we could better be there for this person we're trying to help. I felt the most uplifted when I shared that I felt I was failing as a district leader. I didn't mean it in a self-pitying way, I simply stated that I knew my approach could be better in these certain ways and I wasn't performing. Elder Sedgwick told me that wasn't true. All I was asked to do was try, and I was trying. He told me that, as bad as it may sound, if a missionary in the district struggles, that's not your fault. That was so comforting. After expressing gratitude for his thoughtfulness and saying that's exactly what I needed, he told me he basically just said what he spent the last twenty minutes writing in his journal because he too was feeling stressed. His willingness to come to terms with his own struggles and share with me completely changed my perspective. Elder Sedgwick is a wonderful missionary and a good friend—one I'm glad I trust. In the article about Paul McCartney, Paul says that he was always the instigator. Never did he hear any other band members say, "let's make an album." At 78, he still produces great music; he just naturally loves it! Further, he works at it and has fun. He talks about how he would always be the one to instigate these trips where they would just hitchhike and see how far they could get. He just was willing to go and do! There is a fantastic line in Proverbs 13:20 that reads: "He that walketh with wise men shall be wise: but a companion of fools shall be destroyed." Paul was no fool. Similarly, my dad always urges me to be better. He always compliments my strengths, acknowledges my weaknesses, loves me, and helps me in many different modes to improve. Advice, example, and quality time have been key to my happiness. Thank you dad. The same goes for mom, adding a dimension and depth to my dad that otherwise would be absent, and vice versa. Elder Sedgwick was the same way. He urged me to move forward having confidence in myself. My dad urged me to move forward acknowledging the difficulty. Dispelling disbelief, trusting in God, dealing with stress, finagling leadership systems, helping others, leading, following, and being a disciple are just a few of the lessons touched on today. God is good.
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