This week, in an effort to make a yellow light, I made a quick turn. This caused me to get an aggressive driving violation. There is a thing called a TIWI which tracks your driving, and if you get enough violations, you get your privileges revoked. (Yes, I got four in a week.) I was so upset, I didn’t even talk. However, after talking to my mom later and her ordering us Chipotle, I felt much better. I really love my companions, we walked around the lake tonight. It was 4 degrees and started raining on us for the two hours we were out. It felt so nice to just be out and talking with them. Elder Seamons and Elder Smith are using the exercise bands in the other room to get "big," listening to this motivational speaker named ET, it's pretty funny. Anyway, I had a good day today. I love this strange time at the end of the day to write and reflect on my day. I'm really thankful for this virus. I remember hours before the news was officially released that we'd be quarantined, I read about the guy in the prison camp. He said he'd made a memory he'd never trade. I've been trying to do that, and I think it has worked. Every night, I lie down and think, what did I learn about myself and my mind today? I do that a lot, but now, much like an experiment, I've removed all variables. In district council, which was just us and the zone leaders on Facetime, Elder Smith talked about a talk Elder Bednar gave in the MTC while he was there. He said that missionaries worry too much about the little things, and that we should just worry about being good. We are friends with the zone leaders, so I thought we may just goof off for the hour of district council. Elder Seamons said, "no, if we take it seriously, it will be serious." Elder Seamons gave a really powerful personal training on hope. His words hit home and washed away my fears like a tourist on Kook Slams standing on a pier. It was as if a weight I'd been running with was just dropped. I could be happy. I realized I was being incredibly hard on myself. Elder Seamons actually brought up the question, "what is the difference between guilt and Godly sorrow, what's the line?" I’ve been thinking a lot about this. Because of his honesty and vulnerability, Elder Smith gave that answer -- just be good -- and it struck me to my core; a motto I hope to carry with me the rest of my life. "Just be good." Just love God and love your neighbor. When you put it like that, life seems doable. I shared that in a video lesson today and one of the girls said, "it's so simple yet so difficult." That is such a good way to wrap up the gospel. It snowed a lot today, and we went to go to the church to shoot around for part of our outside time. During the game, Elder Seamons called me out for doing something stupid, which he was right to call me out on, but he did so sharply. I honestly didn’t mind, but I held onto it. When Elder Smith said "just be good," part of the weight released was my constant desire to serve and satisfy everyone around me. The comedian John Mulaney put it best: whenever he walks down the sidewalk, he wants everyone to like him so much that his girlfriend says he’s running to be the Mayor of Nothing. I do spend a consistent, tiresome amount of mental energy trying to please people and worrying if others approve. This is strange, because I don't logically think I should do this, but I still do. We went for a walk before our lessons. I have been taking a lot of photos recently and I feared in part it was from anxiety. As I review my photos from today, I realize it was not. The real motivation comes from a sense inside. I stopped the car to get a photo of the sunset behind Long’s Peak and Elder Seamons asked me an interesting question. He asked, "why do you tilt it so high when you shoot?" I told him I liked the sky and the way the colors played with the mountains. He asked an even more interesting question, "how do you know how much to tilt the camera?" Little did Elder Seamons understand the depth of that question. Really, you're asking how I see the world. In every situation, at all times, I frame things in my mind. I see color, lines, and the shape of the objects that dance around me constantly shift into a new moment of art. Niel Gaiman said, "We convey truth through stories." When I walk, I see the people I'm with and the place I'm in as a story. Why? I don’t know, but I'll tell it to find out. In the process of capturing the story then refining it, I define it. Thus, I understand where that initial spark originated and can dig. Tonight, as I look through my photos, I can see both the joy and self-consciousness of the day. Everything from the fact that I like the Fish Eye because of the brighter colors and warped, big view of everything around. Plus, it minimizes the subject making them look less pixilated. Really, I just appreciate the entire frame, all the sky and the water around me. My dad once shared a quote, I don't remember from whence it came, but it said something along the lines of “the way you shoot people is an indication of how you feel about them.” It's so true. Further, by consistently recording my life, it is an act of unraveling and expounding on truth that God has given me. Anyway, back to last Sunday. We continued with the Sacrament and it was really powerful. As Elder Seamons said, if you take it seriously, it will be serious. It was peaceful and quiet as we took the sacrament. I felt a powerful spirit. That day had been a cake topper for the past week or so of difficult days. Afterward, I went in a separate room and prayed. A strong, warm feeling entered my heart, and I felt peaceful. Not an outward peace, but as if a joint deep within me had shifted into place. You often don't think about your joints until there is something out of place. The Lord seemed to speak to me through the spirit to calm my restless soul. I had a burning question: to know how to retain the feeling of peace I had. Today, during personal study, I read how King Benjamin sees that his people had mourned their sons, sought forgiveness, and received it. Then, he tells them what to do to keep the fulness of joy and love of God that entered into their hearts, allowing them to live in happiness: trust in the Lord, be diligent in keeping the commandments, and continue in faith. What I love is he never tells us to be perfect. Just keep trying. Be diligent, not perfect, in keeping the commandments. Continue in faith, have faith in your training, this will all be for your good. Trust the Lord, He loves you. It all seemed so doable.
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I woke up this morning slowly. As we all lay in our beds, Elder Smith talked about a dream he had in which he tried his best to call the Westfield sisters, where Sister Carter is, before he got arrested but couldn’t find the number in time. He was all bummed out. Elder Seamons said he had a dream where he kept trying to kiss Sister Dahl but her mom wouldn't stop talking to them and he had to leave. I woke with a dream that I came home off my mission and my dad had a super dope camera for me, the new a9, and it was so cool. Looks like my mind is still on straight, even if I got another midnight email from a girl that made me really happy.
I woke up after this wonderful dream and Elder Smith said, "so how far are we going Elder Whiteley? 20, 25?" "Maybe ten," I said. We went on a ten-miler and it felt really good. I went much slower than last week, 7:05. Still, it felt decent. I didn’t run the latter part of the week because of the weather, so I think I need to run a little more consistently to bust out workouts like last week. The weather gets bad the end of this week, so that's a bummer. Still, it was so good to go run. It's so nice to have not one, but two companions who ask me to go out to run/bike every day. You want my heart? To quote 2 Samuel 18:23, let me run.
Typically, before I write those I really care about, I try to say a prayer. As I did, I realized I hadn't said my morning prayers. As I knelt and tried to pray sincerely, I realized I hadn't yet studied! I started with prayer, and it pointed me towards study, and then the rest of my day went much better. I thought much more clearly and I was happier.
I didn't do a ton of meaningful things today. We went to church and shot around in church clothes and I wrote a few emails. That's it. We taught a few lessons as well, but that's pretty much where it ended. My two comps are getting drowned in the monotony of the days here. They have such a short time left, I don't blame them. It's difficult to live in the present when you are so close to the end. I have the luxury of having so much water ahead of me I'm not even close to thinking about landing on the shore.
Right now, we don't have a lot around us to keep us entertained or happy. The gospel is happiness, as my friend Rachel said, and I'm putting that to the test, especially right now. As there seems little to do and there is a lot of difficulty around, I am trusting in the Lord that I may find redemption from sorrow in being obedient to Him.
My dad sent me one of the greatest articles I've ever read. For a long time, I've been obsessed with running, specifically long distancing running. I read an article about Eliud Kipchoge, the man who broke two hours in the marathon, and how he trains. Besides the 130 mile weeks at sub-five minute pace, he stays at a secluded camp at 8,000 feet elevation in the forests in Kenya. He stays with 25 other runners in cement homes, sleeping in a twin bed, for months at a time, even away from his family. They run together, but further, they do chores, eat, and live together. He busies himself maintaining the land, even goes and milks his cows and cares for his corn at his home a few miles away, then comes back. He reads books on business, applying it to running. All of this reminded me of the time I spent at Tom's property in Maui.
It felt like a sanctuary for the artistic, a specific place for those cultivating that love for artistic good. I loved it there, I felt at home. I sense a familiar feeling reading about this place in Kenya. Kipchoge said, "What we are really looking for here is consistency. Are you really training for all those four months? Are you eating well? Are you actually building in a positive way? That's what's required in sportsmen and -women in order to run very fast."
I see a lot of parallels in who I hope to become as a man in Kipchoge's life. In the article, the writer uses the word ascetic to describe Kipchoge's lifestyle despite success; it means, "someone who practices self-denial as a spiritual discipline." If anything, this is just describing a mission. Am I actually dedicated to God? Do I do the little things that I know bring one closer to God? Do I put into practice the invitations I ask others to participate in?
I am making my sanctuary here on the mission. I am trying to become a deeper person. He later discusses what truly will fulfill him, saying, "I want everyone in this world to treat running as a lifestyle. I want to see people knowing that at five o'clock they need to run for 30 minutes. If I get there, I will be a satisfied man."
I love this. Not running sub-two, not being considered the greatest male distance runner of all time, but watching others partaking of the joy of conversion to this practice. I think the same of my religion, even to an infinite degree. This is the greatest joy one will ever feel, a closeness with God and the redemptive joy that comes through the grace of His son, Jesus Christ. Partly, I feel indebted. I have come to know the joy. Why? Well, today, I was thinking about how far I've really come.
So many attributes and abilities needed for a mission that I never thought I could develop, I was gifted through trial and guidance from circumstances and people to be molded into a better person. I've had the joy to come to know better the person the Lord has in sight for me to be. However, in Bonnie H. Cordon's talk, she said, "The Lord’s invitation to let our light so shine is not just about randomly waving a beam of light and making the world generally brighter. It is about focusing our light so others may see the way to Christ." I want to see others wake up in the morning and think, "how can I come closer to Christ?" When I can see that, I will be a satisfied man. I love the Lord and see His light in my life daily.
Kipchoge's self-evaluating questions reminded me of a properly themed proverb in Proverbs 4:26 that challenges us to "ponder the path of thy feet." Are we doing all we can to be happy through the true light of the world? In third Nephi 18:24, it reads, "I am the light which ye should hold up." Looking back, I can see how much sorrow and turmoil I avoided simply by choosing to hold Christ's light up. That's what's so amazing. Like running, it takes the simple act of just starting. You won't train perfectly and it will hurt, but eventually, you can run "very fast" with consistency and a love for the journey.
President Monson tells a story of two young boys who built a tree house, spending all summer collecting materials, picking a spot, and building. After the lengthy process over the course of a summer, they finished, spent an hour or so in it, then never returned. The joy was not in the end product, but in the process. The fulfillment was in the action, not the result. Just like how I fell more deeply in love with the process of becoming a better artist being around Tom, the OPP crew, or out in J Tree with MRKL, or how I fell more deeply in love with running around Jaden or on the trails of Sunset Cliffs, I am falling more deeply in love with the Savior as I delve into the words of Paul, Isaiah, Joseph Smith, and Jacob or follow in the Savior's footsteps attempting to serve others and love them.
Really, I look to these sanctuaries like Tom's property or this running haven in Kenya and remind myself that, as I go out and put in effort to be more Christlike and fulfill desire, the Lord will remember me. He will bless and direct my path as I ponder the path of my feet and try to run better. Kipchoge had a Tesla shining a laser beam on the exact path he needed to run in order to be the most efficient. Likewise, I feel guided by the Lord.
Today, we got back from Orange Julius, a place I never knew existed before now, and Elder Seamons got out of the car and patted his pockets. He turned and looked on the seat. He then asked, "where's my wallet?" He had it on his lap on the ride back, so we just started looking all around. We checked under the seat, in the crack, every storage compartment. Where could it be? He had it five minutes ago. Eventually, Elder Seamons said, "fine, fine, I'll say a prayer." As he was saying it, I had a weird thought that I would turn on the car and the wallet would fall out of the roof. As I imagined that, I looked at the ignition, then the roof. "Amen."
I know exactly where it is! I grabbed the mirror flippy thing on the roof and pulled it down. To Elder Seamons’ suprise, the wallet fell from the roof into his lap. I know this is so insanely cheesy, telling a "losing your wallet" story, but really, I thought about the strange way God answered Elder Seamons' concern. He could have just helped Elder Seamons remember where he put it. He could have just had me remember watching him put it in there. However, he waited till Elder Seamons asked in faith, then, through my strange imagination he blessed and guided my thoughts to lead me directly to it. He worked through my distracted mind to answer his prayer. Likewise, the Lord will often wait for us to ask in humility for relief, and He will often answer that through others. Do I want to? No. Should I? Probably. I don’t want to though, it requires vulnerability, humility, and trust--all super easy for me and I've never had a problem with any of them. Just kidding.
These Kenyan runners start every run with a prayer. What do they do after? They scream. "ONE, TWO, KENYA!!!" And run 11 miles at 5-flat pace. In other words, they open their eyes and unfold their arms and run.
https://www.gq.com/story/inside-eliud-kipchoge-kenya-training-compound
Hello all. With my two companions sitting next to me watching the news on the Coronavirus, I'm writing to you happy. First, we woke up and Elder Seamons pumped Elder Smith up to go on our bike ride. He didn't want to, but I love Elder Seamons. He totally pushes for it and it is the best thing ever. We went on a ten mile run today! It felt so good. I went 10.5 at 6:29 pace, it was crazy. I felt so fit. I dipped to 6:18 on mile seven. What's crazy is I was doing negative splits. After taking the first mile at 7:07, I was at six the rest of the run. It felt great, thank goodness I brought the Garmin. I stayed in front of the bikes almost the whole time. Elder Smith said he was pretty sore, which I thought was funny because he was on bike, but Elder Seamons said, "we're running in the morning, boys!" Can't wait. I love this. Maybe this is God's gift for me while I'm quarantined. Recently, a lot of people seem to be losing it being cooped up inside. My two companions are both set to go home 70 days from today, they both mentioned today. They are good, hardworking missionaries and are struggling looking ahead at the next 70 days we are likely to be quarantined. They don’t want to finish their mission like this; it's frustrating for them. A lot of times, one can distract themselves from thinking about going home by working. Now, that's a little bit of a problem. There is a quote from President Monson that reads, "learn from the past, prepare for the future, live in the present." I have been so much better about living in the present, preparing for the future, and learning from the past. These are keys for a happy life. With that, we've adjusted to this new way of life, especially as missionaries. As Elder Seamons put it, the new grind for missionaries is just being bored. Since we've never been to this area before, we don't know anyone here. Trying to meet people online is so incredibly boring. I'll sit and call people in the ward or people who have already been taught. The meetings we have over video are quick and efficient, they are wonderful and take 15-20 minutes. However, the time we used to spend between lessons, traveling to the next place and looking at the world, feels absent. The social interaction in lessons and with people in the outside world is completely gone. It's super weird. After taking a lunch nap, we woke up slowly and all looked at each other. None of us wanted to get up and then sit down and call people or text them. Eventually, I forced myself to do it, and I texted a few people I had called a few days earlier. Elder Smith was "walking the digital streets," friending people in Facebook groups and getting to know them. We all got back to the grind of boring. However, there was some hope! I had a person text us and ask to meet. This motivated me to call some more people and later we got a call back and lined up another lesson. We had a wonderful lesson with this mom we had never met who was super interested and excited to meet with us again. That was a new person to teach! We then immediately after called this Kenyan guy (because "the internet is our area") who asked to meet with us after Elder Smith bumped into him on the digital streets of a "LeBron fans unite" Facebook page. We taught him and he was super receptive. He told us he wanted to meet again. We had six lessons, four back to back, getting three new people to teach; all in 2 1/2 hours. The apostles have been telling us to use technology and teach members. Well, for some reason, when we did, it worked. It's so efficient we are all a little salty: why haven't we been doing this earlier? It takes a virus for us to change and become better -- blessed are they who don’t need to be humbled by circumstance! This is really hard, but I'm really glad I'm learning. We are learning and becoming comfortable teaching over video and how to be effective using our phones, a skill I need especially when I'll be bored at home. Not picking up your phone is such a good habit. When we aren’t walking those digital streets, we walk around the lakes outside our apartment. They are nice, small lakes with good skipping stones, if you look in the right spot. With just a little bit of practice, I've gotten much better at skipping stones. Joseph Smith used to go skip stones with Oliver Cowdery when they were translating the plates, another indoor, lengthy endeavor. I'll collect stones as we walk and save them for a good spot to throw. Elder Seamons is really good at skipping stones, probably because he played baseball. Elder Smith is funny, he just rants about whatever is on his mind as we walk. He is such a fun person to have around. He made a comment I find extremely valid. He said he is the only person who puts himself out there, that's why he’s the only one that can get roasted in the chat. He really is vulnerable and open, it makes him so much more funny than if he were to fake it. His honest thoughts on life are just hysterical and they fuel a lot of fun conversations, even when the only people we talk to in person is us three. I am doing well. I often type till my hands go numb then I take a break. I have been thinking a lot about Mike Strong and Mr. Aguirre, so I wrote them an email tonight. I got a picture of Scout and I at the beach in Portland, and it felt weird. I love her so much, and seeing her, my camera, my camera strap, that Seahawks hoodie, and the beach was nostalgic. When Parley P. Pratt was nervous about going on his mission to Vancouver, the spirit whispered: “Try the Lord, and see if anything is too hard for Him.” He will deliver us, in His time and way. Thinking about how others seem to be losing their minds and some even their motivation, I began to ponder on what fuels me. Why do I live? As Elder Delgado’s email attachment says, "what keeps you alive?" I wonder sometimes. I reread an email my dad sent this week -- each week he sends me a true story about his life. This was one from high school, and as President Eyring and my friend Rachel each said, it came to color. Greg's Email: "One thing I forgot to mention is that the Follies marked the first time I had ever screened a movie I had made for an audience. In the week leading up to the Follies, Eddie Repanich wrote a short film in which we took over the school using doughnuts to lure teachers to the faculty room so we could jump on the intercom and “control the school.” We didn’t have a screen large enough to play it for the whole crowd at the Follies, so we took every TV/VCR unit and set them up throughout the audience. Greg Karl who was AV savant (every school has one) patched all the TV’s together so one VCR would control all of them. We used the short film as an intermission, and I’ll never forget standing on the stage behind the drawn curtains after Greg Karl hit play and I nervously waited to hear audience reactions. It was a relief to hear people chuckle. When those chuckles turned into rollicking laughter and then cheers when the film ended, I don’t think I’d ever felt anything that good. In some respects, I’ve spent my life chasing that feeling ever since." I could just see my dad standing behind the curtain and I knew the feeling he spoke of as if it were happening to me. I remember a similar feeling watching people open and look at my photography books for the first time or watch the Shiver Sisters video I made (shout out Souliers). I could understand it, it wasn’t the same feeling, but I knew what he was talking about. He described that he has been chasing that feeling his whole life. That prompted me to think of what I was chasing. People ask all the time "why are you on a mission and why do you stay?" Well, I have an answer. It's the same answer I gave everyone when I left, almost. "I don’t know, but I'm here to find out." The only mission rule I've broken on Facebook is looking at the Masterclasses Facebook page and looking for good quotes and uplifting messages. It's actually not as bad as I thought now that I write it, haha. Anyway, I found this quote from Martin Scorcese that I absolutely love: "You go where you're drawn to go; you learn by doing the work. If you're scared, if it all seems too daunting, if the machinery of it all seems too big, scary, and overwhelming, it's great. You wake up in the morning and do it anyway. If it seems impossible, that's even better, you do it anyway. And as you go, omit all that machinery, you're the one that's going to make the picture. It's just you and the thing that sparked you to make the film. You and the spark; in the end they're one and the same. Guard that, because it’s precious. Now it's time to get to work." As the Doctrine and Covenants says, our passions are God-given and as we pursue our passions we glorify God in the process. I think my dad is the perfect example of that. He has pursued God-given passions and has taught me to do the same. I have a spark within me, something deep within me that loves good. Everything good comes from God, and all things from God are a typification of Christ. When I watch great film, I feel closer to God and a deeper connection and love for others. This is all good in writing, but really, this didn’t come quickly. This stability in the storm took a long time to figure out. I have not mastered anything yet, certainly no Masterclass invitations coming my way soon. My dad makes me so happy. As I get older, I realize what he meant when he said he was worried at first that his decision to do film was irresponsible. I would be pretty nervous too, especially never being raised around it, to make that decision. But as my boy Martin says, if it seems impossible, that's even better, do it anyway. I have God-given passions, despite circumstance. These times seem dire, but I have sacrificed and trusted the Lord. Scorcese said, "You have to find your own way. There are no manuals, no shortcuts, no secrets; you write your own manual, you develop your own shortcuts, you find your own secrets." I am made of a spark, I am exceedingly curious and can't wait to build my own ship, use my own skills that I learn to fulfill my God-given desires. As my mom would say, quoting Key and Peele, "everybody here gets to design they own Gremlin." There is a scifi movie called Gattaca (I think its called) about this kid who didn't have great genetics and thus never had the opportunity his brother did. Through hard work and hustle, he ends up doing extremely well. In a roundabout moment, he and his brother play a game they used to play as kids where they swim out as far as they can in the ocean -- first one to turn around loses. The younger brother was shocked as he watched his supposedly-lesser brother power ahead, seeming as if he may never stop. He calls out to him to stop and he asks how he can go so far. "That's easy," the older brother replies, "I never worry about swimming back." Joseph Smith said he was accustomed to the deep water. He was used to the tribulation, he had experienced it all his life. Jacob, the brother of Nephi, was born in tribulation and knew it all his days. Paul, Jacob, and Joseph are some of my favorite writers. They had a spark through tribulation. They had so much joy, though they sorrowed all their days. We all have a path to walk. Ponder the path of your feet, fulfill your God-given desires. I have been blessed with beautiful stories all around me. Isaiah, Jacob, Oliver Cowdery, Joseph Smith, my mom, my dad, my mission, Parley Pratt, Martin Scorcese, Shiver Sisters, Michael Key and Jordan Peele, and my own past. They all, "make me marvel at the inner-workings of all man, evidence of God's love." "All things denote there is a God." That is my spark. A love for people and the world. As I look around and strive to be better, I find the world come to color, as Rachel described. The joy of the gospel is exuded in every place. As I strive to hold fast to the word of God and come closer to Him, the spirit will give me perspective and allow me to open and see God's eye, how He sees the world, and it is beautiful.
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